Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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