Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
