His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
