It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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