do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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