someone get that fucking seahorse.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
