It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
