Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
