The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
