I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
