Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i jhust puked up my retainher.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
