if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
