We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
