I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
