it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i think i have herpe
just one?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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