I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
