Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
