We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
