i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
