Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
