Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
