I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
