I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
