I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
