I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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