I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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