I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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