We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I believe in your delicious
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
