And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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