watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
