i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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