My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
