what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
