woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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