i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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