I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
