last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
