my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Randomize
