That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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