you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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