Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
