filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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