Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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