Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Everclear isn't food dammit
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
