I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
