Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
