my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
