This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
whose parrot is this?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
