I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
