me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
