You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
