My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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