I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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