remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
